There's this feeling of dread inside me that has been eating me alive lately. I've been putting on a brave face since because I don't want people to worry about me. It's difficult but I just have to do everything I can to survive this life.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling lost more than ever. I had mini anxiety attacks and I almost had a breakdown while I was at work because I felt that it was too much to handle...that the world was too much to bear. People around me see me as someone who is as adaptable as the leaves blowing in the wind. They see me as someone who laughs at problems and never giving them the time of day. They see me as someone who takes the world by stride, as someone who's brave and fearless and strong. But I am not that tough. I am not that brave. I am not that fearless. I just seem to be that way because I wanted you to see me that way.

There are times that I think I am that person. I'd feel that I can really conquer the world, that I can face my fears, that I can brave them all. But then I would realize that I was just wearing a mask all along. And I chose to do so because I want them all to believe that I am the person I imagine myself to be. And it sucks when I am slapped with the hard truth that I am not what I intended myself to be.