'My name was Natalie Heller Mills, and I was perfect at being alive.'
Natalie lives a traditional lifestyle—and has the social media accounts to prove it. Her charming farmhouse on her working ranch is artfully cluttered, her husband is a handsome cowboy, her homemade sourdough boules are each more beautiful than the last. So what if there are nannies and producers and industrial-grade ovens behind the scenes? What Natalie’s followers don’t know won’t hurt them.
Then, one morning, Natalie wakes up in a strange, horrible version of reality. Her home, her husband, her children—they’re all familiar, but something’s off. Is this a hoax? A reality show? A test from God? One thing Natalie does know is that it’ll make one hell of an Instagram post…
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“The goal of an influencer is not to be lovable, and it is not to be unbearable. The goal is to be both at once. In other words: addicting.”
This book took the internet by storm when it came out earlier this year. And as it trended in BookTok and Bookstagram, my curiosity wasn't spared from its virality.
I picked this up two days ago because it was the book of the month for a Fable book club I'm in, and it was also a Buddy Read (BR) pick for my other book club. Like hitting 2 birds with 1 stone, it was a no-brainer to read it next. And right off the bat, just after reading one chapter, I was hooked.
The premise was super interesting and it got me thinking about where the story would go. I love unique storylines, and this book sounds like something I've never read before. Going in, I already knew that it is satirical. The main character is horrible and unlikeable. Being inside her head was discombobulating and at times disgusting. But it was a breath of fresh air, reminiscent of President Snow in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and June from Yellowface. Character studies like these are hard to pull off, but I would say it was well done in this book.
“That innate instinct to love a child, especially one who looks like you, coupled with the overwhelming desire to kill the needful thing, to bash its head in and run.”
As I read on, Natalie reminded me of this woman called Ruby Franke, who was a famous mom vlogger in the 2010s. I watched a Netflix documentary about how she abused and exploited her kids, and this book gave off a similar feeling to that. You'd really ask yourself how these "mothers" can ever begin to do those horrific things to their children, and this book attempted to provide the hows and whys of that.
One theme highlighted throughout this story is how the main character's religious upbringing became the ultimate factor that molded her into what she became. I couldn't count how many times she uttered "Sorry, Lord," and, as someone who was brought up in a Roman Catholic household, it was all so hypocritical that I can't help but laugh. The belief of being seen became an obsession that motivated her to act. Her pretension slowly ate her away until it became her reality, and it was painful but addictive to read.
“Clementine started talking about oceans and cities. She wanted to go to California. She wanted to see the Pacific. As a form of compromise, I started taking her to Target once a month.”
The abuse in this book was subtle and hard-hitting at the same time. Subtle in the sense that the abuse was non-physical. It was all mind games and psychological. As a mother of five (going to 6), you'd think Natalie would've learned by then how to take care of her children and to be an actual mother. But with every child she has, she just becomes worse and worse.
Another theme that was covered in this book was the influence of social media on one's mental health. This one was a case of putting someone undeserving in the spotlight. Fame and money really do wonders to a person's character. With Natalie, you can't help but root for her to become better, only to have the urge to bonk her in the head because she is just hopeless.
The main character was already self-righteous and haughty at the beginning, but as I read more, I also found out that she is insecure as she continuously obsesses over a college roommate. I find it so funny whenever she brings up Reena in various stages of her life and how she says to herself that she's doing so much better, as if they were in a competition.
“And who was I? A flawless Christian woman. The manic pixie American dream girl of this nation’s deepest, darkest fantasies. The mother every woman wanted to be, and the wife every man wanted to come home to. Like a nun in a porno, it didn’t make sense, but also, by God: it worked.”
This book was a marathon, but it was one you wouldn't mind going through because it is just so juicy, you can't help yourself but turn the page over and over and over until you reach the end. The twist was one I could never have seen coming. I guess this is why this book gained so much traction. It was intense and mind-blowing.
Yesteryear - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
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