It's Christmas morning now as I am typing this post away. I've just cleaned up our kitchen and hallway floor since they were a mess from last night's party. I woke up early, as usual, the taste of alcohol still present whenever I burp and when I saw the chaos that was outside, I decided I wanted to do a clean up before everyone else wakes up.
It's been an eventful year. 2019, what a year you've been. Starting the year was a struggle. I was a fresh employee in Dubai and I had to adapt quickly with the lifestyle and culture of the people I work with. I get flabberghasted from a lot of things I didn't know and it takes me some time to realize the situation I am in. The transition to working with other foreigners was daunting at the beginning. I didn't know their work etiquette and what they expect of me. It was so different from working with your fellow Filipinos. I tried to bury myself with my new job because earlier this year, I was emotionally unwell.
Eventually, I got the gist of what was happening around me and I was given more responsibilities. The real work began and I was getting busier by the day. Having a distraction was a blessing. I used to hole up myself in my room after work, crying my eyes out until eventually came a day when the tears stopped. Although the pain was still there, what everyone told me was really true - that time can do wonders in healing a broken heart.
The mental struggle was one feat I also had to face every day this year. But with His grace, I have managed to tame my sanity. This year I held on to my faith a little bit more and I can never say this enough but God loves me even if I didn't deserve it and I will always and forever be thankful.
2019 was a year I had to be thankful for. In five years' time, I know I will look back to this day and see how this time of my life had changed and developed me. The struggles I've faced will just prepare me for what's to come and I know that all of this will not be just for nothing.
One year later, I am still healing but there's been a lot of progress already. I was not the same person I was a year ago. I realized this when I was attending the last day of the Simbang Gabi. I looked back to how I was the year before and I just cannot thank the Lord enough for saving me from harm, for teaching me patience to overcome the pain, for giving me tolerance, and for transforming my heart.
Thank you, Lord, for another year. A year that, was although rough and difficult, was also a year of getting to know myself again. Thank you for the friends who were there for me in my most difficult time. Thank you for the friends who I shared joy and laughter with. Thank you for the friends whom I could count on. Thank you for the surrounding me with people who I feel genuinely cares about me. That even though I felt so alone, you always have a way to show me that I am not alone. Thank you, Lord, for loving me despite my being undeserving of your love and salvation.
For this coming new year, all I wish is growth and total healing. I miss my family and I do hope that when I go home, I'll be the same person they used to know - someone who is genuinely happy with who she is. xx
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