Dear Mr. Claus (or should it be Mr. Nicholas?),

I'm going to be formal here coz I'm all grown up and I don't want to sound like a giddy kid who cannot wait for Christmas Day (although I totally am).

It's been a long time since I've written a letter for you, let alone thought of writing a letter for you. You were a symbol of happiness for children all over the world. When Christmas time comes every year, every child always thinks of you and all the presents you would give to those who did well. I used to be one of them. When I discovered you weren't real, and I think that was around second grade, I didn't overreact. I didn't cry, I wasn't even surprised because I had an inkling that it was my parents who really bought presents for us. I'm realistic like that. But I admit, I was quite disappointed because I really wanted to believe that there were such things as flying reindeer and elves making toys in the North Pole. I was fascinated by the idea of magic and I still have faith in it in my heart up till now.

For this Christmas, though, albeit the thousands of material things I am lusting over, I want to ask for a sense of direction the most. I want to have a sense of purpose, one that would make me feel that being alive is something to be of note. That my life would have significance and that I would get to leave a mark in this world.

Life's tough. Growing up, going to school year after year, and then suddenly, you leave your comfort zone of 17 years. You leave school, you look for a job, you go independent (which equates to living alone and paying the bills) thinking that this was the one thing you needed to be free and happy. It's an instant transition that I find myself suddenly craving for that familiar feeling of just being carefree.

Santa, how'd you do it? How did you decide that you were born to bring happiness to the world? That you would be someone who will be loved by all? I want what you have. I want to be a person who can influence someone else's life. I want my life to be remembered, to be lived well, to matter in even the simplest of ways. I guess I just have to keep walking and find that purpose, huh, Santa?

So much for being dramatic and wishing for things as superficial as that one...

Christmas is in 11 days. Some other things I really want for this year would be happiness, satisfaction, peace, understanding, forgiveness, opportunities, and better days. Happiness for my mom, dad, and siblings - that they may continue to do the right things that would bring them security and satisfaction in the future. I wish for peace and understanding to the people who have hurt others. I wish for forgiveness for both sides, and for burying the hatchet once and for all. I wish for more opportunities for me next year as I have plans to change what I am doing now. And lastly, I would want to have better days. 2016 was a year of so many ups and downs, but while it wasn't a major bust, there are some things I wouldn't want to happen again in 2017.

I know you are so busy right now and can't afford to listen (or read) to my yammering and whining, but Santa, please just grant me even one of my wishes above. I really, really would love some help and luck.

On the last note. Santa, I wrote this letter not just to tell you things I wanted for Christmas, I also wanted to thank you for being a constant grain of light for us all. The persona you represent gives joy not just to children, but also to some grown-ups, too, like me. Thank you for being a beacon of kindness and hope. That even in the toughest of times, Christmas will always have that joy radiating through the gloomy days.

See you on movies? Or should I say on Christmas Eve?

Love,
Renee Alexis ❤