The Random Bibliophile

by Renee Alexis

Renee Alexis
26, filipina, an introvert who loves young adult fantasy, brush pens, Taylor Swift, and Mobile Legends. Coffee runs in my bloodstream.

Follow

No Regrets

Some weeks ago, I was talking to a very good friend I met in college. I uploaded a photo of a game I was currently crazy about on my Instagram story and she sent a reply. I told her about how I used to play it back when I was still in high school. Then, later on, our conversation transitioned into who we used to be in high school - to our 13-year-old selves who used to only see the beauty of the world, our younger selves who were blissful and carefree. I got reminiscent and nostalgic again.

At the same time the past few weeks, just before I go to sleep, I always find myself walking down memory lane. I click through the different albums I have on my Facebook account and look at the photos in there. I try to recall what happened behind those photos, try to remember the memories before the shots were taken, but I can't seem to recollect everything. It's sad how memories fade over time, that the longer it has been, the more blurry the events become. I can only remember bits and pieces about what transpired 14 years ago, and I'm not even sure if my memories are precise. 

I remember putting my studies first above all else. I was a very diligent student, choosing to go to school even when I was not feeling well. My dedication to having perfect attendance was unrivaled. I was very hardworking because I used to think of school as everything, that I had to excel in it because my future depends on it. I was a straight-A student not because I was smart, but because I worked hard to achieve my grades. I enjoyed learning new things every day and I enjoyed being surrounded by classmates who I used to see as my whole world back then.

I remember enjoying school and studying. I loved challenges and I enjoy a good competition with fellow top-notchers. I enjoyed the debates we have, the activities we did together, and the little mischiefs we got in trouble for. Ahhhh, the wonders of high school - gone too soon as if it never really happened.

Thinking back to who I was, it makes me realize how different I used to be. I wasn't the same person I was 14 years ago. I wasn't as outspoken as I am right now, I wasn't as open, and I wasn't really as confident. I was a shy girl who sits in the corner, not wanting any attention going my way. I was a silent observer. But through the years, I slowly opened up and learned how to be among my peers. I started joining the activities I liked and was actually good at. I met like-minded people I got to spend my high school years enough to enjoy it. The memories are kinda hazy, but I also remember that I was impatient and maybe just a little bit of a brat. Maybe I should ask my classmates about how they perceived me years ago. 😅

Thinking about it now, high school was the time of my life when I started to build up who I wanted to be without realizing it back then. There were tough times but I really cannot remember them now. All the memories that remained are all good and it makes me want to go back in time and just sit in the sidelines to watch how my life panned out, like watching a coming-of-age movie.

No Regrets | Renee Alexis

At that time, I had no qualms about what will happen in the future, though I did think about what I would like to be.  I just never thought I'd move away from the home I was used to for 10 years and go to a community I was very foreign to, to get my degree. What actually happened was a far cry from all of the daydreams I used to have. But then, I guess everything happened the way it was supposed to happen because all of those things I did in the past lead me to become the person I am today.

I was young and I was living my youth as best as I thought I can. Photos and videos certainly bring back memories I almost forgot I had. I certainly made mistakes along those years but I regret nothing. Time is tricky. To those times when you thought you were done for and you thought you won't survive the aftermath, they are long gone and now, you're living in another struggle you're gonna get through. 

If you look at it, life really is wonderful. Things usually don't happen how we want them to happen, but then, they do happen because that's what we were supposed to experience to be prepared for what comes next. I've made a lot of mistakes, I admit to that, but if it wasn't for those mistakes, I wouldn't have learned all the things I know now. So yes, I have no regrets for being who I used to be. I have no regrets for doing all that I have done. I have no regrets for making the mistakes I made. Because all of the things that happened back then paved the way for me to be here and to be who I am today. xx


Follow

Comments

Contact Form