The Random Bibliophile

by Renee Alexis

Renee Alexis
20-something Filipina, an introvert who loves young adult fiction, brush pens, Taylor Swift, and BTS. Coffee runs in my bloodstream.


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2023 Reading Challenge

2023 Reading Challenge
Renee Alexis has read 0 books toward her goal of 30 books.

Freedom & Happiness

To be free and to be happy - that is the life. But how can we achieve freedom and what does happiness really mean?

I've spent my years believing that happiness can only be achieved when you finally get what you have always wanted. Growing up, my mom taught me that hard work will always be rewarded and that when you do your best, you will always achieve your goals.

I strived on those words. I made ambitious goals and did my best to reach all of them. I strived as much as I can to make my parents proud of me. I did what I thought was right and would make me happy, but in the long run, I grew tired. It's not that I blame anybody, my actions are solely my responsibility and there's no one but myself I could put the blame to.

In every action I take, I always take into consideration what other people might think of me, of what my parents' opinion would be, on how my friends would react. Sometimes, I take my own feelings for granted because I lean more towards what other's thoughts will be. I honestly can see what a hypocrite I am now. All those times telling myself to not give a f*ck on what society thinks but I am the one who is affected most by it.

I started realizing just some time ago that achieving stuff won't give you the happiness you've been dreaming of. Yes, getting it will make you happy but only for a short time. The happiness was temporary, it faded over time, and at some point, will turn into something else. I've learned that happiness isn't about gaining your worth, it's about the journey in finding it. Happiness isn't about achieving something just to make other people appreciate you. Yes, your parents are important, but there is nothing wrong with putting your own happiness first. It is not being selfish, it is most definitely not being proud. Your happiness is your own and not anybody else's.

Looking back, I can't say that my past wasn't worth every sweat. Because even though I now feel like I've made some wrong choices, I did enjoy my journey, I did have the time of my life fighting to finish the race, I did find real friends for keeps along the way, and I did make my parents proud. My journey in finding that complete bliss still continues. I may have to shake things up and change the course of my life in this journey but I promise to not let anything or anyone affect my decisions any longer.

I opened this topic up with my boyfriend. I told him my thoughts, my realizations, my fears, my hurts, my regrets, everything. I was seeking for solace, for comfort, for support. You wanna know what he said to me? He told me that I can do whatever the hell I want and he will be there for me, to support me all the way. And that was when I was filled with determination to pursue what I want to pursue. Although I won't be jumping off the cliff anytime soon, I will be in the next few months.

I once wrote, "Happiness is a choice", and now I'm choosing to do just that.


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