The Random Bibliophile

by Renee Alexis

Renee Alexis
20-something Filipina, an introvert who loves young adult fiction, brush pens, Taylor Swift, and BTS. Coffee runs in my bloodstream.


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2023 Reading Challenge

2023 Reading Challenge
Renee Alexis has read 0 books toward her goal of 30 books.

Just a Passerby

One day, you are going to meet and unexpectedly get to know someone who will change the course of your life without you even knowing it. Someone who connects to your soul and understands how your heart beats. Someone who will make you feel that you are the most special woman in his eyes. Someone who will make you laugh effortlessly. Someone who will make you feel that he's the luckiest guy because he's got you. You will start falling into those beautiful brown eyes and you will start to love his flaws and imperfections deeply every single day. You will find his quirky eyebrow hair adorable and that weird ear bone he has cute. You will yearn to lie in the space between his neck and shoulders where your head perfectly fits. You'll miss him reaching for your hand and holding it as he whispers "I love you" into your ears. You will learn to love all his quirks and his ideas and his whole being.

He'll make you feel all the things you thought just existed in movies. He'll sweep you off your feet and catch you as you fall harder. He will be there when you need support the same way he'll be there when you just need someone to listen to your rants. He'll travel miles just to be with you and make you feel important. He'll bring you flowers and chocolates and books that you'll love so much. He will try and try again to surprise you even though he has failed so many times. He will pull you out of bed when one of his favorite songs play and dance with you. He will take care of you when the flu hits you and stay with you through the night to make sure that you're alright. He will make you promises you think he'll intend to keep and you will trust him with all your heart.

You'll be falling in love deeper and deeper as time passes by. You'll anticipate his arrival every time he gets to come home to see you. You'll be so excited to see him that when you see him opening the gates and start walking towards you, you'll be holding your goofy smile in like an idiot. The moment he reaches you, you'll be so excited to get close to him because you've missed how good he smells. You will look forward to being in his company because you know that by just having him nearby is enough. Years will pass and you will still be looking at his face at night as he peacefully sleeps as you thank God over and over again for giving you someone who perfectly complements your being. You'll be so lost in him that you can't even imagine the idea of losing him.

And then one day, things will get rough and you'll have petty fights and arguments. You'll have disagreements and you'll start crying over things you thought you'll never experience. Both of you will get tired and at one point, he'll start to seem indifferent. Until one day, he'll just flat out give up and leave you. You'll be left with your mouth open because you haven't even thought that giving up is an option. You fight for the relationship you've built with him for years. You fight hard for the love you have for him as he looks at you helplessly. You fight for all the dreams you've made for the both of you. You fight and fight until your energy dissipates because all your efforts seem useless. You'll lose him and you'll lose a part of yourself that you freely gave to him.

You'll wonder where you went wrong. You'll blame yourself for the things that happened. You will look at yourself in the mirror as you watch your tears fall. You'll see yourself in the mirror as someone who is unworthy of being fought for, as someone who is not enough to be fought for. You'll question the things and decisions you've made in the past five years and you'll have a hard time finding out where to pick up your broken pieces and start again. You'll miss him at the wee hours in the morning as you have difficulty in sleeping because every time you close your eyes, vivid memories flash through. You won't have any choice but to cry to swell your eyes up to sleep. In the morning when you wake up, you'll stare up at the ceiling thinking when the pain will end. You will look at your photographs and look at him and miss him again. You will decide to delete all of your photos together in your phone on the spur of the moment but you'll end up regretting it because you will miss looking at how happy you used to be.

You will find an escape and will leave all familiar things behind. You will leave your family and everything you've known to go to someplace new to forget. You will struggle to find stability and lose your mind in the process. You'll be so lost as you find yourself and your life's purpose.

Things will become so difficult but there will be one day when you will start to accept things and realize that the pain you are feeling will fade in time. You won't know when, but you will know that sometime soon, may it be months or years, you will be okay. You will look back to how things went. And though you will still feel that ache in your heart, you will also feel hope and peace. Hope that you will be okay eventually, and peace as you feel acceptance that he will no longer be a part of your life anymore.

Letting go of someone whom you've given your whole heart to is difficult. Letting go of someone whom you've started to build your life and future with, whom you've been so sure to end up with, can be the hardest thing you will do in your life. But one day, you will realize that there are things that are out of your control and that maybe he was just a passerby in your life. He was just meant to let you feel the things you never imagined you would feel. He was just meant to make you so happy in the past years, but he wasn't just meant to be with you forever.

You will be thankful for him, for loving you as much as you have loved him. You will be thankful for all the memories you shared, the good and the bad. You will be grateful for him that for at least once in your life, you experienced the joy of being loved and being truly in love. You may be hurting today, but soon, the hurt will fade and you'll look back and be thankful that you were once together and that the memories you created were genuine. You will heal and you will grow and you will, someday, have as much love again to give to the right man who will treasure you and who will keep you no matter what.

Until then, you will keep missing him and until then, you will still feel the heartache. Until then, you will still stay up late in the night as you look at your photos and cry your heart out. Until then, you'll still have the urge to send him messages telling him that you miss him. Until then, you will feel hollow and empty. Until then, you will still feel that you are missing a part of yourself.

Ren, just keep going. You will be okay soon. I don't know when that will be, but I know you will be okay soon...


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